Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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