He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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