you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
