4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
