Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
