i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
