Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Farmville is her only friend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When are your genitals available?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
