What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
