O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize