god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I deserve this hangover.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
