I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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