how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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