at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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