how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
