I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
