I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
