I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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