CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think people are normalizing furries
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
