Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
