yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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