To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
