In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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