Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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