Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
