the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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