Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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