He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
