ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
