Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
