hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
