I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone came in the potted fern
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
