You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
