you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
