My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize