:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
