As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
