why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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