This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
