Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize