he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
