I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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