Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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