my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
