Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
