The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
