We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
