You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
