I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
