They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize