i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
