It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
