Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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