I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
