Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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