I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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