New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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