I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
