I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
