I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
