Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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