UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
