went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
