There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
