i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
