You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
