The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
