Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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