So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
