I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
