so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
