Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
