Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
