She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
