Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
