How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
