I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
